i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
