he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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