apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
