it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
