He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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