Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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