I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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