You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
