I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
