the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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