Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize