Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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