i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize