her vagine was all disorganized.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
