Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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