She's JV to your varsity
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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