I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
