Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
