Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
