I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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