I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
