btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
