Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
