Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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