i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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