Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize