Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
