My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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