You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
