She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I need a beard to bite.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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