Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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