i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
