he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
