do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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