sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
