i love accidental penises.
worst night to have a conscience
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
