So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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