i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
