He had one of those small greek statue penises
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
