Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
