I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
