why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
