I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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