Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
