You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
