there was a trapeze. enough said
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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