i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
