I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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