she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Randomize
