i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
