I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
