He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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