He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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