my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize