At least make sure they are 18
Why
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
