I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
