I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
