He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
