need another drink. this is the easiest way
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
