his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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