I am midnight drunk by noon
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
