Do you still have your period?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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