he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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