Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
