Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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