A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
