We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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