So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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