you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
