So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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