We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
