This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
