You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
