were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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